Hemp…Milk? My Reactions.

Below is a picture of three varieties of Hemp Bliss hemp milk. It does exist. And yes, I had some.

Occasionally, I like to try something new and perhaps a bit risky. You see, my lactose intolerance obviates me from fully enjoying milk (and other dairy products) without digestive consequences. Hemp milk is dairy free, since it’s made from, well, hemp. I was over at Toschi’s the other day and ventured to get some sort of other milk substitute. I’ve had rice and soy milk and much to my dismay, I’ve not enjoyed their tastes nor their textures as a milk substitute. So, I thought I’d try a plant/seed milk.

I bought the chocolate flavored hemp milk and I gotta say, it’s horrible. The taste is nutty, and sort of like…eating a piece of hemp rope. The texture is a bit on the diluted side, and it leaves a strange and unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth. Worst experience with any kind of milk. Ever. The kicker is that I spent four dollars on a little 32 ounce box of it. That’s right, box. A box that can be stored unrefrigerated before opening the seal. This isn’t a mutant kind of milk or its hideously deformed 2nd removed cousin, no my friends, this is the anti-milk. The anti-milk that claims to be milk. Let this cautionary tale forewarn you if you ever decided to drink something that’s supposed to come from the nipples of a mammal but instead comes from a plant or seed. Stick with the nipples.

Now, don’t get the wrong impression, I think hemp is useful for a lot of other things, textile or otherwise. Perhaps I could reconcile my poor experience with hemp milk by making a butterfly net out of hemp where I chase my butterfly-esque dream of being a real boy who can drink real milk someday.