School computers are gross. The keyboards and mice are greasy. It’s very offsetting.
Archive for April, 2008
First, get this: the upcoming Soul Calibur 4 has YODA and DARTH VADER in it. Wha-?! How…what…but most importantly, WHY? I don’t really know what to think of this. I just feel somewhat uncomfortable about it, I guess. Though, one could argue that this isn’t really new. Soul Calibur 2 introduced players to Link, Heihachi Mishima, and Spawn depending on which system one played it on. I can definitely understand Heihachi Mishima in a cross over, since both Soul Calibur and Tekken are fighting games. Link, well, was a welcomed surprise…and Spawn, well, that’s how it is with Yoda and Darth Vader. Just doesn’t really fit. At least not yet.
To me the problem has to do with how these characters are from two wholly seperate universes. As you can see in the video, Yoda and Darth Vader use their lightsabers. Now, the question is, will Star Wars physics and chemistry apply to the Soul Calibur game? From the Star Wars wika website, “Aside from the blade of another lightsaber, there were rare materials or creatures found throughout the galaxy that could withstand a lightsaber blade, but with varying degrees of success…” Since this is true, Soul Calibur characters would have no chance against either Yoda nor Vader unless their weapons were made out of certain rare material.
Furthermore, THE FORCE. As you can see in the video, Yoda uses Force Push to block an opponent’s weapon. So, apparently, the Force does apply in the realm of Soul Calibur. Yoda, as one of the highest ranking Jedi, and Lord Vader as one of the most ruthless Sith, how can there be any competition? I mean, in this game, only Yoda and Vader are equal opponents.
And did you see that last clip of Vader facing off against Heishiro Mitsurugi? Mitsurugi’s blade should have been cut in half or at least melted somewhat when it came into contact with Vader’s lightsaber. I forsee many technical conflicts, but perhaps, few will actually care.
Okay, so that was cross over number 1. Here’s number 2: Mortal Kombat versus….the DC Universe characters? BATMAN? UHHHHHHHHHH. I mean, okay, in the nerdiest nerd’s fantasy wet-dream, I guess one could conceive of such a thing, but to actually execute this is…well, crazy. This even brings up the old arguement about Batman even being a superhero. The debate goes that Batman has no super powers, so he isn’t really a superhero. So, to place Batman, outside of Gotham City, outside of the Batman world, outside of the DC Universe and into, oh, I dunno…the Netherealm is plainly absurd. As you can see in the preview, Batman is battling Sub-Zero, and unlike the shitty-ass Arnold Schwarzenegger Mr. Freeze, Sub-Zero actually has real powers.
Oh sure, go ahead, get technical about Sonya Blade, Jax, and Jonny Cage. Sure, they may not have had actual powers in the film(s), but somehow, they managed to obtain powers in the game. With said powers, they are super-human. Batman, yeah, he’s got the utility belt, his fighting style, his intellect, Bat-Mobile, etc. , but what do they add up to against the fighters of Mortal Kombat?
On a final note on Batman, what the Hell is he even doing there? He’s not trying to destroy Earthrealm and I doubt that he’s trying to wipe out what’s left of the Black Dragons or the Red Dragons. Sure, he’s the Dark Night, but he rarely, if ever, uses lethal force to KILL an enemy (Joker, Penguin, etc.) since it’s what seperates him from being a criminal. So, by the logic, why would he be battling any of the characters in Mortal Kombat?
Maybe there are no real explanations for any of these cross overs other than for pure novelty. But, I mean, there HAS to be some limit to this novel idea…right? They might as well pull a Brawl, and throw ANY character from ANYTHING into an ultimate fighting game. Might as well throw Chiyo-chan from Azumanga Daioh versus, fuck, I don’t know, Nick from the Snow Bros. video game. Or I KNOW, Mr. Yellow from Reservoir Dogs versus Mr. Plum from Clue, CAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.
Folks, I don’t know what this world has come to. I mean, there used to be respectable fighting games. Cross overs were for characters from the same medium that perhaps had some link to each other. But to pull random beings from wherever and throwing them into a fighting game just seems over the top to me. I’m STILL bothered, to this day of Marvel versus Capcom. It’s a good game, but…you know what I’m sayin’?
The truth is, I’ll probably enjoy both games regardless. And I suppose that’s what counts, but it bothers me that there was an obvious lack of logic in choosing these characters.
…I answer it. An unrecognizable voice tells me to wake up and finish my Social Theory papers. That was the end of my dream last night. Or rather, nightmare. Or maybe it was a warning. Regardless, the stress has finally reached the threshold. I’ve got two papers due tomorrow by noon regarding Emile Durkheim’s theories of integration. Then, there’s the group project in my Social Problems class that isn’t even off the ground yet, and we have to present around the 18th of April. I’ve got a Psychology exam on Thursday. In other words, I’m on the verge of morphing into a hermit crab and shacking up in a shell away from humanity.
My head is spinning and it’s hard for me to concentrate. I think I’m going to pull an Einstein and take a nap. Apparently, that’s what he did every time he ran into a conundrum or a sticky situation. And I just realized how shallow this post is. I mean, here is this perfect opportunity to discuss some deep subjects, but instead, I subject myself to complaining about how tired and stressed I am. Guuuuuuillllt trrrrrriip. They should make that into a movie…
FROM THE MAKERS OF ROAD TRIP AND EURO TRIP COMES THIS SUMMER’S NEWEST COMEDY SMASH HIT: GUILT TRIP.
Actually, at this point, I wouldn’t put it past Hollywood if they made it.
Well, on the up side, for the most part, the hives have receded back into Hell from which they came. And now, time for a nap.
P.S. – I’m categorizing this post under both Ruminations and Vendettas, just cause I have a huge vendetta against most films with Hollywood-driven concepts.