Agenda For the Future (do I dare hold myself to this?)

This may be jumping the gun, but, I put a deposit down for a single bedroom apartment. I hear back on Tuesday if I “qualify”. I don’t think there are any reasons why I don’t, but, I feel like I’ll be able to breathe easy again once I know.

With that pretext in mind, I present to you, as well as a reminder to myself, what I have planned for the future. You see, there are a lot of things I can’t do with other people around. Say, cleaning for instance. Cleaning helps organize not only my physical environment, but it restores some sort of order in my mind…cleaning is, I would say, a metaphore of restoration for me. Having order is something I like surrounding myself with.

But for some ungodly reason, I can’t bring myself to clean if anyone else is around. Living at home with my family makes cleaning impossible for me. My brother typically doesn’t leave the house his room and I become worried that I’m bothering him with all the noise, or else I become self-conscious, fretful that I’m not doing a satisfactory job of cleaning. I am especially fretful about that when my father is around, who is probably boarder-line obsessive compulsive about cleanness. Moreover about the light switches. To him, if the light is off then the switch must be in the down position. This may seem like a simple logical thing, but it’s a bit hard when you’ve got two or three way switches, meaning, a light could be off and the switch could be up, or vice-versa. Yeah, it’s that extreme. It’s from observing his behavior of order and cleanness that has probably leaked into my psyche.

So, it’ll be a relief to be out on my own, being able to clean to my own satisfaction without the imaginary  captiousness that my father has never actually acted upon. In fact, he probably doesn’t care THAT much how well or unwell I clean.

Okay, so this probably a useless post so far, but I made a list entitled: “Instead of X do Y”. So, here we go:
– instead of neglecting my surroundings do something about it, like clean it
– instead of sitting, doing nothing, do sit-ups and do something about my flab
– instead of pizza rolls eat carrots or apples
– instead of relationships do friendships
– instead of driving do biking, walking, or riding the bus*
– instead of frustration do some relaxation exercises
– instead of boding on the past go out and meet new people
– instead of soda-pop drink water or juice
– instead of women…nah, stay with women
– instead of watching TV go for a walk or a bike ride
– instead of spending money save it for a down payment on a house
– instead of cashing a check from a relative, write a thank-you letter first
– instead of taking things personally put things in perspective and move on

I think that’s a good start so far. I’ll add more to that later.

*last year I primarily took the bus or biked to campus, but during the summer I tend to drive, but mainly because Dilworth is kinda far from everything, including my two jobs, so that’s my excuse. Other than that, I try to bike, walk, take the bus, etc.

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